Thank You Notes
Dear cell phone,
Thank you for your service. I know you thought you retired last year, and you expected to hang out in the box where I keep my old phones for a couple years before eventually recycling them. But when I smashed the delicate screen of your fancy new replacement, you sprang right into service like nothing ever happened. You deserve better than to be tossed down the stairs during a drunken stumble this morning, during which your screen both gave and cracked up….but that’s what happened.
Thank you again. I’ll mourn your loss.
Dear tow truck driver from last night,
Thank you for tolerating the nonstop total nonsense that never stopped popping out of my mouth while you were so kindly dragging me and my vehicle home. I’m sure it was a challenge not to laugh for most of the trip. I wasn’t counting, but I’m pretty sure I said “fuck” way more times than was strictly necessary. Sorry about that.
Thanks also for getting me and my vehicle home safe and sound. Really appreciate that.
Thanks for a rollicking good time building some team! You guys are fun.
Also, somewhere between the tequila and the two kinds of wine, there was some cocktail that I think involved buttershots…anyone know wtf that was?
Thank you for being awesome.